Hiding in Plain Sight

Hiding in plain sight was something I was pretty good at, and it has meant two different things to me. First, hiding in plain sight meant that I was physically in a place, but had some anxiety of being in large groups, or new people, or crowds. There’s always so much to take in and it can be exhausting. Knowing this about me created such an inner conflict, because part of me loves being seen!! I love meeting new people, going to parties, and connecting with others but wasn’t sure how to handle the anxiety other than drinking, but that wasn’t really a solution, so I continued to HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT.

Secondly, hiding in plain sight has meant that I dim my light so that I didn’t outshine others, because they felt bad. This created another inner struggle because when I love something or I’m good at something, I want the world to know. I love doing what I love to do and while my intention was to share my light to inspire others, all I could hear were others saying, “You are making me look bad,” so I continued to HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT.

I struggled with this for many years and I was tired of hiding.

I had my first AHA moment, when I learned what it meant to be an Introvert. I had heard of the word before and knew that I was definitely an introvert, but I didn’t understand it fully until I attended a workshop at school. When the presenter described an introvert in detail and mentioned how big crowds, parties are draining for an introvert, I sat back and took a deep breath and something just clicked. I was finally able to honor the girl who loves to be “seen” and the girl who prefers small, quiet affairs and they can co-exist peacefully and lovingly.

My second AHA moment came when I read a quote by Marianne Williamson. The part that brought tears to my eyes says, “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you,” opened up my heart and I came to a clear understanding that dimming my light was only holding me back from living my truth. This piece led me to loving myself into wholeness and recognizing that their feelings were all their own. I can shine in all I do and still allow others to shine as well. Together we come out of hiding in plain sight to create a radiant and loving realm to reach new heights we could have never reached alone.

The most important lesson I learned about Hiding in Plain sight is that my own judgments and expectations put me there and it’s been acceptance, love, and my own light that have led the way out of HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT.

Martina Losey

3-12-18

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