What Are You Waiting For?

What are you waiting for? 

It’s a question I’ve asked myself over and over again many times throughout my life.  Many times, when I sat and really listened to the answer to that question, two things came to surface.  The first was the feeling of fear.  Fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of what others would say, fear I wasn’t good enough and anything else I could manage to think of.  The second thing that came to my attention is that whatever IT was, IT wasn’t something I truly believed in, nor had any desire to do. I had only been doing it because either someone said I should do or because I felt it was something I should do.

What I realized, was that this fear and the expectations I had put on myself often led to self- sabotage.  I often had this feeling of being stuck or going around in circles and nothing ever really changed or maybe it did for a while, but I often fell back into the cycle because of the fear that lurked in the shadows.  It’s frustrating, disappointing, and exhausting to the point that you feel like giving up or you just accept things as they are.  Then life continues to move forward as you come in and out of the waiting room of your life, with memories of the good times, the what ifs, and the not so good times.

As women we wear many hats, star in many roles throughout the day, and rarely are we the leading lady.  Am I right? That was true for me. You see, while I loved the idea of putting myself first, I only did it when I was on the verge of a mental and emotional breakdown and wanted to commit myself because it would mean that for just a little while, I didn’t have to make any decisions or better yet, why not just run away!  I know that sounds dramatic, but I know many of us have felt like that at some point.  So the answer to  “what are you waiting for,” sounded like, “waiting for kids to go to bed, waiting for kids to grow up, waiting for husband to get home, waiting to cook dinner, waiting to have the money, waiting to see if it “feels” right, waiting to see if things turn around, waiting for him to call, waiting to feel better, waiting to lose the weight, waiting to see what so and so thinks about it, waiting for someone to ask, waiting to feel better, waiting for the right time…waiting…waiting..waiting.

So what if, today you could lay all your own “Life” cards on the table and play the game of, “What are you waiting for?”   What would you find lurking in your shadows?  Being a member of the Court of Ascendancy workshop for nine months, I stepped into the darkness of my own shadows to find the truest part of myself. There were times I laughed and times that I cried. There were times I felt a surge of new energy come over me and was inspired to speak my truth without fear of judgment. There were times I was confused and unsure of  new feelings that arose,  but I learned not to judge myself and just accepted them as they came.  There were times I broke through barriers and walls and let the light back in.  There were times when I gained clarity about my purpose in the role I play in my businesses and my creativity soared.   There came a time when I truly understood what it meant to put myself first.  There were times when there was a spiritual awakening and my heart felt lighter and I knew I would be more than ok. Lastly, I got to share this all with amazing women from all walks of life whom I’d never met before.  We formed a bond of sisterhood simply by sharing our hearts and souls.  Then, as time went on, we empowered each other to step up into the role of the leading lady we all so rightfully deserve…the role of Queen. It meant something different for each of us, but we never could have done it alone.

So, here I am, with an open heart, inviting you to be the Queen of your own realm, embrace your beautiful sovereign self, and cheer you on as you break down the barriers that are blocking your beautiful light.  What are you waiting for?

Peace & Blessings,
Martina

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